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startrunningx3

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January 1st, 2011

New Years Eve

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Dear Journal/ People of the world,

Well this is New Years Eve and im at my dads house with Susan, tara, Hank, and carolyn. Were having a really good time suprisingly; almost a thousand percent complete, but no Nate. If I could start out my new year with something, it would be him. He lives a thousand miles away but still. Anyways its alright cause ill just inbox him on facebook later :) anyways my resolutions for 2011 are
1) to go vegan
2) see Nate more
3) to be nice to my mom
4) be tolerant towards carolyn

Well gonna watch the ball drop! Ta-ta for now!

New Years & Nickels,
Lola

December 31st, 2010

Dear Journal/ People of the World,

Well theres no movie marathon today because Kathlyn cancelled on me, im gonna try and make plans with Christine or Laura. Christy has been really supportive of me and has just inspired me to keep my head held high and keep moving forward. Shes one of the most important people to me and although I dont see her much, shes always there when I need someone to vent to :)

Scepter's&  Support,
Lola


JUMPING OUT OF MY PANTS

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Dear Journal/ People of the World,

WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL TODAY IS A GOOD TIME. Nate and these kids Dillion and jackson and I webcammed at my dads house and GUESS WHAT!? Nate DUMPED Kim! Hes single! Again! AHH! If anything does happen now i wont feel bad about it :D But anyways, I really am PRAYING that I actually can get to see him soon.

Aside from my boy overload, tomorrow im going to my friend Kathlyns house to watch my husband (Andrew Lee Potts) star in Syfys "Alice" for the 99 hundreth time. I LOVE HIM.. i mean the movies good too its just hes so... AH. anyways, then i have to stop at Megans and drop off a pair of black shoes for her cousin Ashleys sweet 16 and then I come home and go to my Dads. HOPEFULLY HE'LL TAKE ME SOMETIME OVER THE COURSE OF THURSDAY - SUNDAY. But ill just keep hoping. All I want for new years is Nate honestly. Anyways, tomorrows gonna be fun, I love Kathlyn.

Night night.

Hope, Hope, more hope, & Halos,
Lola.


December 30th, 2010

Dear journal/ people of the world,

Last night I told Nate I was going to see him. My dad said for christmas he would take me to Maryland. I dont know whether to be excited or nervous or if im just getting my hopes up. I mean...he has a girlfriend. For the longest time ive wanted NOTHING more than to be with im and hookup with him, but now he has a girlfriend. Im really just looking forward to seeing him. I really really cant wait. I hope this goes through!

Hope & Halos,
Lola

December 26th, 2010

Fuck Off Christmas

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Dear Journal/ People of the World,
Well today is xmas 2010 and I spent xmas eve with Greg and his family. it was suprisingly crazy fun. It was all good till i decided to talk to Nate. i started tlking about xmas and he continually told me to fuck off. i was hurt. i mean HURT. after that he finally told me he loved me...Im starting to think hes just saying it because he knows its what i wanna hear. I REALLY wanted him for christmas, but what i want is to get over him. We can be friends, but he has a girlfriend now and he isnt good for me no matter how much I love him.

In other words, I have a busy schedule nxt week. Monday tues im in PA with ma and sam vaz and patrick and carolyn then wednesday im with kathlyn rod, thursday im with alana keil, thursday night im with tie jess and ambra and friday im with ben sacks. I needs get my mind offa him. OH and the 30th is Jen B's late xmas party...should be fun ;)

its 2 am on xmas morning, night all.

Annoyance & Asteroids,
Lola

PS."You're waiting for someone to push you away; there's always another wound to discover and there's always something more you wish he'd say" << HOW PERFECTLY DOES THIS DESCRIBE ME AND HIM XD
 


December 22nd, 2010

The Mad Hatter.

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Dear Journal/ People of the World,

I have watched SyFy's "Alice" maybe a thousand times. Its my new favorite movie. My favorite scene is here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En1m5ie9UPY
For the sole reason that it is, Nate and I. So close, but somethings always getting inthe way. Later on, I began to wonder if it's for the better. Towards the end Hatter sees Alice with Jack and decides he has to give up. This is our story. I need to give up and move on, and instead of wishing FOR him at 11:11 every night, im gonna wish to GET OVER him every night. I love him with all my heart, and I never thought that would be a problem, but it is THE problem.

Confusion & Cosmos,
Lola

December 21st, 2010

DOUCHE BAG

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Dear Journal/ People of the World,

I hate Nate. He is a total, utter complete, douche bag.

"Because I can't be bothered to fight with you over what progression there is in my life"

^^WHAT!?!? He cant be bothered with me? What about me?! My heart? My emotions? The way he broke my heart; TWICE might I add. I swear to God if he tells me he loves me that will tip me over the edge. He doesnt love me. He has a girlfriend. They can go get married and have kids for all i care; i HATE HIM. He lied to me. He lied to me all along. I did nothing to make him stop loving me. I just dont get it and I guess I never will. 12/21/10, im FINISHED with you Nate Ryan, done.

Hate & Asteroids,
Lola

December 20th, 2010

im..

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Dear Journal/ People of the world,

Im jealous.
and he knows it.

Hate & Asteroids,
Lola

i i i i i i i i i ....

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Dear Jo-

Nate just told me he has a girlfriend, named Kim. I i i i i i i i....

Hate& Asteroids,
Lola

BRYAN

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BRYAN STOP READING MY BLOG!

The usual

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Dear Journal/ People of the World,

I feel really bad. I feel like my mom and I havent spent any quality time together in a while. It sounds weird but I really really feel bad that she always tells me and Carolyn we're so mean all the time and I just blow her off. I really needa kick my attitude and start being nicer to her. Anyways, I called Nate and he didn't pick up, the usual.

Love & Rockets,
Lola

(no subject)

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Dear Journal/ people of the world,

Well I didn't call Nate or even move out of this black swivel computer chair yet but here's my xmas list for Greg:

1) Road Trip to see Nate
2) Road Trip to see Nate
3) Road trip to see Nate
4) Webcam
5) Warped Tour 2011 tickets
6) Bamboozle 2011 tickets
7) Laptop
8) Lava Lamp

Yup, that's it.

Love& Rockets,
Lola

HOMEWORK HELP -__-

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Dear Journal/ People of the World,

Well I have MAJOR tests in Global and Chemistry tomorrow that I didnt ever begin or plan to study for. I keep getting distracted by Nate, frost valley cit application, Nate, Patricks Wii shit, Nate, Megan, Destinee, Nate (did I say him already?) and yeah. Well im gonna go call Nate. Chances are he's not gonna pick up, he never does, but its worth a shot...if he does for some strange reason, ill keep you posted!

Love & Rockets,
Lola

PS. John and Marian went to a Stereo Skyline Concert at the Crazy Donkey, and I couldnt go...i hate them.
P.P.S. Greg asked me what I wanted for xmas... my list to come in my next entry :) 
P.P.P.S Im gonna TRY to do my homework......nahh forget it, its no use.

MORE Sweet 16's

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Dear Journal/ People of the World,

Just another quickie thing that happened in the past hour...I was supposed to go to the mall with Megan on Wednesday to shop with her and Ice Skates boy but I forgot that Destinee wanted me to go to some Sweet 16 with her...ANOTHER SWEET 16, whatever. I have to pick up my grey dress from the cleaners and stuff but I guess it should be fun, you know? Well, I still have to tell megan but it should go over well...hopefully -_-. KBYE!

Love &Rockets,
Lola

Shawnee Weekend :)

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Dear Journal/ People of the world,

Well I just got back from my Pennsylvania house in Shawnee and I went snow tubing with my sister. We had a goodtime but as usual, all my thoughts, everything i say, everything i do, every single little thing in my life at the present moment, reminds me of Nate. I cant help but fall deeper and deeper every time, its really getting bad. I cant think about him all the time. You dont even understand, its just, gyahhh. whatever. What im really here to talk about it my weekend and scott. I told him off on friday. I told him that i will NEVER be inlove with him and i dont even LIKE him. I dont like Nate either, im in LOVE with him...sure I told scott I was in love with him just to shut him up but whatever; if he was really my best friend, he should have seen that there is absolutely no way in gods good earth that i would ever choose him over Nate. I mean really. He went to camp and saw us together. We were all over eachother. i mean we were leeches. The way he put his arm around me, the way he held my hand, kissed my cheek ever so lightly, they way he whispered "I love you" in my ear, and....I NEEDA STOP. THis is getting ridculous, all i can think about is him. Scotts crazy to think i would just get over him for HIM. Nate is a thousand times better in every way.
Whateves.

Love& Rockets,
Lola

December 16th, 2010

Webcamming :D

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Dear Journal/ People of the world,

Last night I saw Greg (my dad) and Carolyn had her Christmas Show. I convinced Greg to let me stay home alone for like 3 or 4 hours because I reallllllllllly wanted to talk to Nate (See entry below). I get on facebook by Gregs house and I fb chat him and hes like yeah ill get on skype. So we skype and I see him. He's wearing a gray beanie, grateful dead t- shirt, jeans, and a huge smile...I realized then...how much in LOVE with this kid I am. I mean I knew i was in love with him, I realized how much I really missed him and how much he means to me. We talked for three and a half hours last night. I really love this kid. I really wanna be with him for a while. He told me he is still in love with me. I want him. I need him. He made me blush cause he winked at me and blew me a kiss, he made me cry because I miss him so much, he made me roll off my bed laughing because hes so goddamn hysterical, and he made me smile uncontrollably because he's Nate. I need him.

Love&Rockets,
Lola

December 15th, 2010

Today's the DAY...

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Dear Journal/ People of the world,

WELLLLL. It's 4:47 PM and Gregs picking me up inna few and than i CAN WEBCAM WITH NATE!!<333333 Ill keep you posted! :)

Love, Love, and more LOVE & Rockets,
Lola

December 14th, 2010

Phone Bill Obsessor.

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Dear Journal/ People of the World,

Im here to talk about my phone bill. Over the course of ONE WEEKEND, SCOTT CALLED ME 61 TIMES. I CNNOT HANDLE HIM AND HIS OBSESSION WITH ME. I LOVE NATE! NATE NATE NATE. NOT HIM! I told him I was in love with him to shut him up but it really just drew him closer. I cant deal with him all the time. Hes cool to hang out with sometimes but I cant deal with him talking to me 50 times a day. I really dont like him like that. He gets jealous when I tell him i'm talking to Nate, like GTFO, im in love with him, NOT YOU! TOO MUCH FUCKING DRAMA! Get over it. I mean seriously, him and I will be nothing more than friends with benefits; if anything, him falling for me was a horrible idea. He called me 61 times. Obsession. I dont love him like that. He needs to get over it. UGH BOYS.

Love & Rockets,
Lola

Nate<3

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Dear Journal/ People of the World.

Today was a sick day. I went into that crap hole with a headache and a massive tummy ache. It was an all around crappy day. The night before, I found out that Nate, my ex boyfriend, is still in love with me...or so he says. I LOVE HIM. i still love him and I think that I always will..the way he makes me feel, he makes me smile and blush and feel all girly...i love it; he's perfect. Recently he's been Facebook chatting me FIRST (!!!!) and we have been talking like we did over the summer when we were together. I was so much happier calling him my boyfriend than me being single and without him. This guy James, my friend Tai tried to set me up with is attractive and nice but hes not Nate. I feel really weird cause that's all I ever do; compare guys to Nate, because he was by far the best boyfriend ive ever had and he lives in MARYLAND. He said he'll try to see me soon and IM WEBCAMMING WITH HIM TOMORROW NIGHT!!!! He's all like "get on skype" and im like "i didn't know you had a skype" and hes like yeah, webcam wiht me...i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GOD , you people dont even understand how much this kid makes me smile. He makes my insides chocolate syrup. I get so nervous talking to him because I think he'll think im weird or smthing. I really really want him back but I dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon....ill keep 11:11 for him though. He is TRULY all I want for christmas. I want him sooooo badly. I really can't even stand it, hes the only one I want to talk to when I'm upset and the one I want to share everything with. and god....i want him so bad. My sixteenth birthday wish is to be with him forever and to get him to kiss me. I know what your thinking...NO KISS?! You woulda thought I would have had sex with this kid the way I talk about him....I havent even  kissed him...I mean i have, but I havent. Hes kissed me on the cheek and head and stuff numerous times but not a real kiss, GOD do I want that. I just can't picture myself with anyone else. I mean it's been like 3 months since we broke up -___-. One of my greatest fears was that we wouldn't even be friends...im so happy we are. Im still in love with this kid and I would marry him in an instant if he asked me. I NEED HIM. 

On another LOVEly note...well not so much...SCOTT.
Scott is my friend, we're not as close as I let him to believe. He's a liar. Hes a jerk. Hes obnoxious. Hes got killer eyes. Hes mean, Hes rude. Hes an asshole. Hes a liar (did i already say that?) and I cannot trust him. Hes in love with me. I convinced my mom into believing hes gay so he could come over and we can hookup and stuff but just because we hookup doesnt mean I like him...and hes IN LOVE WITH ME...or so he says, but he's a liar so I cant be sure. Hes a FROSH. I mean its whatever, but I love Nate and I always will, Scott really needs to realize that...and FAST. IM TIRED of having him call me all the time and becoming a major part of my life. Hes my friend but I cant have him any closer than we are now. HE WANTS TO GET IN MY PANTS. Im a virgin. I want to stay like that until marriage or until I want to with someone I really love....who the hell am i kidding? i want my first time to be with Nate. Im in love with him and yeah. But scott needs to LAY OFF. UGH BOYS.

Whatever, ill get over it.
Love & Rockets,
Lola

December 5th, 2010

Dear Diary/ People of the World,

My mother is so fucking annoying. She told me last night to call my friend Marian because she's having a Sweet 16 and im in her "court". We have to have matching dresses, hair, etc. And Marian wants us all to buy our dresses and jackets. Its like 50 bucks I don't have. Shes like "CALL MARIAN AND WORK IT OUT , IM NOT PAYING!" I'm like alright whatever. We talk today over facebook when she can talk and my moms raging pissed at me because im supposed to be doing Global homework. COME ON. Shes screaming at me "DO YOUR WORK OR ILL HAVE PATRICK DISCONNECT THE COMPUTER", like honestly, shut the fuck up, im doing something YOU asked me to do. So it comes out to that Marians paying for the dresses and we have to buy our own shoes...SHOES!?!?!? I JUST BOUGHT A PAIR OF SHOES! WE'RE IN A RECESSION PEOPLE! I CANT PISS AWAY ANOTHER 30 BUCKS FOR YET ANOTHER PAIR OF BLACK HEELS!!!! GODDAMMIT WOMEN!!!

Love & Rockets,
Lola
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